Read More | winterbikeleague.com

WBL # 10. 2024. Parks Law Bowman Bounty Hunter Classic. 100 miles, 21.4 mph.

Pulling into the HUB’s parking lot, I heard it. The hard snap of that bull whip. It cracked through the air. The clouds all around turned black. Now granted it was a blue bird day. So, it looked more like chocolate chips against a soft blueberry meringue. A kind of inviting temptation with a sinister undertone. But an undertone that you ldike. The kind of undertone that buys an old motorcycle to fix up in the garage, add tape to his rims to “balance” them, and frankly is just dang particular. That wrangler that snapped that bull whip is a not an unknown ZEALOT. He is Brockstar. Brock Mason. A creature.

History: Clay Pettifogger Parks is one of the original cast members of the WBL. One of the good ones. They continue to fill the general fund. The rule of the general fund is simple: there must always be cash, candy, and the devil’s liquid. It’s a curse sorts to win because the board loves to see the winners end up fat and drunk. But note that this year’s budget has a surplus, so next week’s Lula World Cup will have a record-breaking prize purse.

So back to that 10^th WBL of this year: the journey to the Bowman Bounty Hunter’s home. But Mecole cannot compete with these ZEALOTS. See there are too many factors during the ongoing era of time. We cannot get a formula or algorhythm to quantify this whole endeavor. It’s too much. That’s why we love it. A love that you get anxious about. It gives a connection to the ground, to the roads, to the towns in the empire, it’s community. The WBL is our own kibbutz. It’s a place where if everyone does their part, it works. Simple rules. If you’re strong enough to sprint at the end, you have to pull during the ride. Sign in. Our record keeping is beyond any forensic accountant’s wildest dreams.

So, at the end of the Bowman Bounty Hunter, we have two new entries into that history book. Brock “Brockstar” Mason took his first ever WBL win (though he forgot about pulling during the ride rule if you sprint- granted the Brockstar has a history of overzealous pulls). And Matthew the Crustaecean Crabbe took over the HUB’s overall lead as a 15-year-old.

Sprints-

Jackie Crowell Women's Sprint

· 3 pts. Jenny Thornton-Brooks

· 2 pts. Tatiana

· 1 pts. Izzie Harden

Non Pro: Bowman City Limit

· 3 pts. Michael Sanders

· 2 pts Matthew Crabbe

· 1 pt Louie Schramm

PRO: Tommy Mulkey’s Gene Dixon Hill

· 3 pts. Brock Mason

· 2 pts Michael Sanders

· 1 pt Matthew Crabbe

FINIS

Pro Finish Sponsored by Parks Law:

· 10 pts Brock Mason

· 8 pts. Gutcheck Gruber

· 6 pt Matthew Crabbe

· 4 pts Noah Nwinski

· 2 pts Andy Scarano

Ladies Jackie Crowell Finish:

· 10 pts. Jenny Thornton-Brooks

· 8 pts Izzie Harden

· 6 pt. Tatiana

Non Pro Finish sponsored by The Gear Attic:

· 10 pts Matthew Crabbe

· 8 pts. Noah Niwinski

· 6 pts PJ Terry

· 4 pts Michael Sanders

· 2 pts Brandon Grainy

OVERALL:

Place	Last	First	OVERALL
1	Crabbe	Matthew	92.5
2	Sanders	Michael	89
3	Niwinski	Noah	68
4	Thornton-Brooks	Jennifer	67
5	Terry	PJ	65
6	Magner	Ty	61
7	Gruber	Jered	57
8	Harden	Izzie	51
9	Morrison	Tommy	47
10	Schramm	Louie	47
11	Scarano	Andy	44.5
12	Cornett	Brendan	44
13	Grainy	Brandon	44
14	Desevaux	Cyril	42
15	Smith	Kaison	40

The Bill Boonen Alto World Cup

25^th Anniversary Edition.

[110 miles. 5.5 hours].

See Ole’Bill is one of those guys that simply doesn’t quit. He’s there no matter what. With a joke. With that grin. Or with that CASH. Once you tally up all those years of cash that he’s thrown into the coffers, we frankly could have bought a damn nice RV, which come to think of it—Carney has one—hmmmm. Maybe a little skimming off the top every now and then wouldn’t really hurt anyone. And damnit if Bill Boonen doesn’t also have a shiny Airstream that he’s galivanting all over the place. Showboat.

Now the World Cup season of the OTHER SEASON (aka WBL) is really when things get going. And by going, we mean a long way. Further. Farther. Our father? Or is it a feather? Once again, we lost our way. Maybe we need to follow those birds south since it’s been so damn cold here. Snow twice, not possible you might say. But you’d be wrong. It is time to move along and get back to ALTO.

The history of these world cups goes back to those days before gps. Before cellphones. Before even Bill Riecke was throwing cash at the Alto World Cup. Learning the roads of the Athenian Empire with a paper map, whit, stubbornness, and a bit’o’whiskey in the bottles to keep them from freezing. The time when those foolish enough to follow really just had to follow- for no one knew where the hale there were or how the hale to get home. Asking for directions didn’t always help. Sometimes 441 or 129 had to work.

See Alto is special. The winner’s circle is heavy with talent. A talent that cannot be held back. See history has a way of repeating itself and so the Sultan of South Milledge: Tytus Magner might not be young anymore, but he obviously still has it. The clean sweep of Alto 2025. And with it, closes in too close for Sandy Beard Sanders’ liking. Though rumor has it that the Crustacean loves sand and Georgia Ave. See again, with history, it’s real. And Erica Carney surely proved again that with time comes more again, usually as she continually proves to etch her name in the Alto Ladies’ winner’s circle. On to next week’s Parks Law Noreaster Storm World Cup. Buckle up, the overall is up for grabs.

Pro Alto City Limit Line: (sponsored byBill Boonen Riecke)

1st: 5 pts Tytus Magner
2nd: 4 pts James Seaweed Noori
3rd: 3 pts Candy Andy Scarano
4th: 2 pts Gutcheck Gruber
5th: 1 pt Matthew the Crustacean Crabbe

Women's Jackie Crowell Alto City Limit Line: (sponsored byBill Boonen Riecke)

1st: 5 pts Jenny Thornton-Brooks
2nd: 4 pts Morgan Stern
3rd: 3 pts Reagan Pattishall
4th: 2 pts Katie Prowell

5th: 1 pt Grace Wilson

Non-Pro Alto City Limit Line: (sponsored byBill Boonen Riecke)

1st: 5 pts Matthew Crabbe

2nd: 4 pts Kaison Smith

3rd: 3 pts PJ Terry

4th: 2 pts Michael Sanders

5th: 1 pt Ben Kolbie

Pro Finish (sponsored by Bill Boonen)

1st: 15 pts. Tytus Magner

2nd: 12 pts Julien Ruhe

3rd: 9 pt. Daniel Breuer

4th: 6 pts. Noah Niwinski

5th: 3 pts Michael Sanders

Ladies Finish (sponsored byBill Riecke)

1st: 15 pts. Erica Carney

2nd: 12 pts Izzie Harden

3rd: 9 pt. Katie Prowell

4th: 6 pts. Jenny Thornton-Brooks

5th: 3 pts Grace Wilson

Non Pro Finish: (sponsored byBill Riecke))

1st: 12 pts. Noah Niwinski

2nd: 10 pts Michael Sanders

3rd: 8 pt. The Crustacean

4th: 6 pts. PJ Terry

5th: 4 pt. Kaison Smith

OVERALL:

Place	Last	First	OVERALL
1	Sanders	Michael	75
2	Crabbe	Matthew	68.5
3	Magner	Ty	61
4	Terry	PJ	54
5	Niwinski	Noah	51
6	Thornton-Brooks	Jennifer	49
7	Gruber	Jered	44
8	Morrison	Tommy	42
9	Schramm	Louie	41
10	Smith	Kaison	40
11	Cornett	Brendan	39
12	Scarano	Andy	37.5
13	Desevaux	Cyril	37
14	Grainy	Brandon	37
15	Harden	Izzie	37

WBL #7 The Classic City Bakeries Pink Church Loop

The famed Pink Church. The Classic City and the Papacy have historically been at odds. Feuds over time come and go. Greeks vs Romans. Wars for centuries. For Millennia. Sticks and stones you know still hurt. Now in the modern post Vatican II era: Classic City Bakeries is one of those long standing WBL sponsors. Often those coffers shut prematurely. But the ovens at CCB are always hot with fresh tarmac. The bread is usually not hot.

Winter is winter. It rains. It’s cold. But sometimes sunny. Sometimes warm. That is the Classic City. With that, it is sometimes just a story of fit in what you can fit. Square peg in the round hole. Much has been written about the lumps of Archer Grove. To the phallic twists of Cane Creek. To the headstones past former ZEALOTS honored on cemetery hill. To the yachts on the J-Riviera. Past the frozen alligator pond. It’s in these environments that some of the elder greying vets took to the fore along with the baby-faced youngsters who we don’t believe can drive a certain Crustacean Crabbe and PJ missing the B Terry. Those grey-haired trio all held their AARP cards close to their chest. A certain Sultan of South Milledge Tytus Magner, BamBam Cornett, and the Only Gutcheck Gruber. We’re not sure how those fellows did what they did. Nor are we sure how not to mess with Jenny Thornton-Brooks as she dug her legs into the saddle in such a fierce manner than only Alexa the rabbit Hoppenfeld and Sarah the Godly Godwin had the will to participate. All others eliminated. On the non-pro side, the Crustacean ran away from missing the B with Minister Noah Niwinski saying his last rights as the group finally made it back inside the loop. More tomorrow.

Pro Finish Sponsored by Classic City Bakeries:

10 pts Tytus Magner

8 pts. BamBam Cornett

6 pt Matthew the crustacean Crabbe

4 pts PJ Terry

2 pts Gutcheck Gruber

Ladies Jackie Crowell Finish:

10 pts. Jenny Thornton-Brooks

8 pts Alexa Hoppenfeld

6 pt. Sarah Godwin

Non-Pro Finish sponsored by Crowe Law Firm:

10 pts Matthew Crabbe

8 pts. PJ Terry

6 pts Noah Niwinski

WBL # 8 Georgia Cycle Sport Homer the different way

Homer. Not the author. The metropolis. The sprawl of Homer is really getting bad. Bucolic sceneries abound. There are no stoplights. No streetlights. It’s just the rolling pastures, fences, cows, chickens, ducks, horses, soybeans, corn, straight red clay, tree farms, and forest roads. It is where you want to be. Trust us. Trust Homer. He was inspiration from this terrain. Homer is in this particular spot that is not quite mountains, not quite the piedmont, and certainly not the pine forests to the south. Homer is a place of its own. It is cold. Frankly speaking, I’m not sure any visitor to Homer except for on August 16^th, the International Day of Heat stroke. Heat stroke day started in the famous Golden Pantry Beer Cooler where the cases of ice-cold lagers helped to soothe a certain gaggle of unfortunate and probably ignorant definitely dumb of course stubborn souls during the heat wave of ’11. The time when the asphalt was melting. The 8^th WBL was not that day. It was quite the opposite. It has taken approximately thirty-two hours for most of all those ZEALOT’S digits to regain warm. Long story short- it was cold. The cold that sneaks up on you. The wind that blasts from east to west to north to south. The ride might have only been 91 miles in a straight line, but with almost five hours of wind, the true distance was 94 miles. Which by my math, means all those hardened ZEALOTS traveled THREE MILES horizontally. A record not ever seen before. As a result: ALL ARE AWARDED A FOUL WEATHER POINT—however notation was less than average. Just changing the bell curve below:

Mercy killers: Gutcheck Gruber, “The Sultan of South Milledge” Tytus Magner

True Grit: The E. Carney Piedmont Posse

Pack Drivers: James “Seaweed” Noori, KS (Kaison Smith), Preston forgot his Eye, PJ “no B” Terry, Bambam Cornett, Ben “Killer” Kolbie, Lil’Louie Schramm, Cyril the Flying Frenchman, Gutcheck, Tytus, The Piedmont Posse, and the Minister himself Noah Niwinski. Probably others too, but we forgot a pen today.

Attack Points: Tommy “Plato” Morrison, Seaweed Noori, Matthew “the crustacean” Crabbe, Gutcheck Gruber.

Intermediate Sprint RESULTS:

Jackie Crowell Women's Sprint. Almost Center City Limit Sprint.

3 pts. Emma Frost

2 pts. Reagen Pattishall

1 pts. Izzie Harden

Non-Pro: Homer City Limit (sponsored by Choco Pronto and Flicker).

3 pts. Noah Niwinski

2 pts Kaison Smith

1 pt Matthew Crabbe

PRO: Seagraves Hill Jamboree

3 pts. Gutcheck Gruber

2 pts Tommy Morrison

1 pt Matthew Crabbe

Bonus Sprint: Nowhere Road- Jackson County line sign

1 pt. Tommy Morrison

Pro Finish Sponsored by Georgia Cycle Sport:

10 pts Tytus Magner

8 pts. James Noori

6 pts Tommy Morrison

4 pts Kaison Smith

2 pts BamBam Cornett

Ladies Jackie Crowell Finish:

10 pts. Jenny Thornton-Brooks

8 pts Izzie Harden

6 pt. Katie Prowell

4 pts. Reagen Pattishall

2 pts Grace Wilson

Non-Pro Finish sponsored by Crowe Law Firm:

10 pts Kaison Smith

8 pts. PJ Terry

6 pt Noah Niwinski

4 pts Michael Sanders

2 pts Ben Kolbie*******

The Ominous WBL Triple Header.

It doesn’t happen often. The winds, rains, and gods must come together and agree to push those aforementioned meteorological phenomena together forcing those possibly deranged ZEALOTS to the edge of the empire. The big factors in the triple header are the famed triple headed twins of Cerberus and Chimera. Here in the Classic City, Cerberus sits alongside his brother Chimera as the twin triple headed bash brothers. Their heads are only ever so slightly bigger than some of those brave ZEALOTS including king Conrad Con Dziembowski, Ivan the great Gartvig, Cyril the Frenchman, Dillard Towny Townley, Silly I’ll sell you that Cirilo Bencosme, Gutcheck Gruber, Maria maybe Clara Carrelli, Baby Face Mason Crabbe, Eric grey beard Murphy, not so little anymore Louis Schramm, the new named Abby Sanders, John JFM Martin, Blind Preston Eye, Bam Bam Cornett, and Jordan roof king Pridgen. Now this is just a taste of some of the unsavory characters that the WBL depends on. With the tempestuous winds blowing out of the northern westerly southern direction, for some reason all three of the triple header rides headed in a predominately south eastern direction, but all being loops, simply ended back where we all started from: THE HUB (or home—depends on where you start from). Part of the loopy loops overlapped by happenstance, but nothing on these misadventures overlapped in the true stories. Or mostly true thereabouts. Sometimes embellished. Never hyperbolized. Always curious. Mostly true. Results always true to the best of your Humble chronicler’s record keeping.

See this triplet of headers came with the promise of a new overall WBL leader. But first we as an assemblage of various backgrounds, beliefs, promises, life, pasts, conceits, Shangri-las, intermissions, sabbaticals, and finally fitness had to contend with the trippiest of triples.

The Vintage Bicycle Werkes Non-Pro Nap Time NYE Special

The Reeves and Young Ladies’ Day Classique

The First American Bank’s March to Madison for Special Mortgage Rates

Now, the points system of this OTHER SEASON helps everyone to compete on a somewhat crooked, but mostly level field. There might be bumps and ruts on the field. But there is grass amongst the chickweeds and dandelions. The Vintage Bicycle Werkes Non-Pro Nap time special works in two ways. First of all, to be vintage, one must be old. To participate in nap time, one must usually be young. So, when those vintage nappers turned left on to Hargrove Lake Road the time finally came for the other other part of the OTHER season. The season of the attack zones. See these zones are a special place. They are not comfortable, but they are enjoyable, or detested. That specific taste depends on your nature, but sometimes nurture. Either way turning right on to Arnoldsville road, a solid group of half vintage ZEALOTS half napping ZEALOTS fought the most blowing of crosswinds. That group had the stalwart Brandon Grain Train Grainy, Dillard Towny Townley, Michael sandy beard Sanders, Lil’Louis Schramm, Matthew the Crustacean Crabbe, Eric Grey Beard Murphy, and PJ missing the B Terry. The slight right bend to the Winterville city limit begs an early acceleration. Sandy Beard Sanders fell into the trap, which was perfect for the Crustacean Crabbe and not so perfect for the Grain Train. In the end, the Crustacean Crabbe took the biggest win of his career. While being chauffeured back to his castle with his feet being rubbed, he uttered “now my life is complete”.

Results: The Vintage Bicyle Werkes Non-Pro Nap Time NYE Special

10 points: Matthew Crustacean Crabbe
8 points: Michael Sandy Beard Sanders
6 points: Brandon Grain Train Grainy
4 points: Lil’Louis Schramm
2 points: Dillard Towney Townley
1 point: PJ missing the B Terry

Head Number Two: The Reeves and Young Ladies’ Day Classique

Now the New Year’s Day WBL has historically battled their younger night aka NYE. This whole ordeal started because Bacchus was actually an urban planner as a side job. You know that the Classic City commission of gods prefers to keep to their usual incestual ways—just as a status quo of sorts. But not of the sorting kind. For that would be far to ordinary. More of just the hiring of their own heirs. Anyways back to Bacchus: one of his first jobs was the actual urban planning the Classic City. Long story or allegory, or fable, either way Bacchus wasn’t the most creative of planners and we can still see the results of his plans. By some counts, there are 73 different watering holes remaining from his original plans. Bacchus had some setbacks from FYE 345 B.C. budget cuts…which forced Bacchus to downsize his initial plans for redirecting the Oconee River directly to his Oconee River Vineyard. Unfortunately, said Oconee River Vineyard was absorbed by the Hudson River’s estate in the 40’s as a part of the New Deal. Which is a shame of sorts as those vines have not produced a meaningful vintage since 1956. But that’s water under the bridge and we now have a Ladies’ Day WBL Champion and newly etched winners name plate for the Reeves and Young’s Ladies Day--- the Chemical Chemist Femme Abby Sanders. Sanders simply stole the crown from the absent hands Queen of Georgia Ave and pulled that crown all the way down the hill and back up again to the top level of First street where the crown rests for another year under special glass.

Results: