The Big Chill

The Big Chill

(Paoli Junction: # 10)

Joey the Wrecking Ball Rosskopf stamped his name on the Lightspeed-BMW / System Jake Paoli Junction Classic with a jaw-dropping 6-mile solo in the Gene Dixon Final Attack Zone, a 9-mile stretch of craggy blacktop that came at the end of another exhilarating but grueling 90-mile, 4.5 hour day. Rosskopf had absolutely no regard for either the feelings of others or my lack of fitness as he power-glided to a superb victory, crushing his competitors beneath his wheels in the process, and even snatching the intermediate sprint along the way at the top of the thigh-burning hummock known as Gene Dixon Hill. Not to be outdone, Big Frank Travieso soloed in for second with own superior display of two-wheeled prowess. Though Big Frank did not catch the Wrecking Ball, he galloped away from the rest of the large herd, one of the strongest (albeit most despicable) contingent of pedal-bangers assembled this season. Big Frank proved he is a heartless bastard too as he also showed no sympathy for others by crushing his pedals in a most maleficent way. And as further proof that the last few miles of this Attack Zone was an all-out world war, Thomas Brown and Oscar Clarke soloed in for third and fourth, though the remnants of the battered pack were closing fast at the line. With his gravity-defying performance, Rosskopf picked up his third lifetime WBL win and showed he will be hard to handle this year when he's hale-bent on hauling ass down the road.

On the Ladies' side of the tally sheet Lady Z, Mary Zider, once again infiltrated the front group and won the day with a dominant display of strength. Lady Z positioned herself perfectly on the multiple hills in the Gene Dixon Final Attack Zone and when the ruptures occurred in the pack, she routinely found herself on the forward end of the split. Though many have fallen for her rouse as a sweet, young flower gal from above enemy lines sent here to train, it is now quite plain to see that she is a provocateur determined to take our money, provoke our ire, and plant a hatchet in our backs in the process. With her first place finish, Lady Z has now pocketed winter winnings totaling over 1.3 million in cold hard cash. Carney is incensed because she lives outside the Pale, thus he can't tax her winnings. However, rumor has it that she may not leave…or at least she's coming back. Speculation on the streets is that the warm Southern clime has softened her up a bit and now she detests a favorite Northern wintertime sport—riding an indoor trainer. Further proof that she has succumbed to the Southern way can be deduced from the fact she routinely eats her victuals at the Waffle House, let's her dog rides in the front seat of her car, routinely says, "Hay Yall," and has a pig for a pet. And though she has started chewing tobacco, she needs to work on her aim when she spits. Tank Crumley is currently giving her lessons in the fine art of nailing a beetle from twenty feet away.

This year's newest phenom, Fletcher Paperweight Lydick, has dazzled like a diamond. Paperweight once again rode like a true champion as he fought back the challengers and won enough points (11) to hold on to the Overall Lead. Paperweight scored valuable pints in the Non-Pro intermediate sprint and again won the final sprint in the Non-Pro competition, finishing 7thoverall. Earlier in this year's version of the other season the young prodigy was a curious commodity—like the Fat Man at the circus—but certainly not a real threat for the throne. However, Lydick has proven that he's a man in a boy's body as he has repelled every advance. He also always counters with an effective riposte. Though T Brown and Big Frank are so close to Lydick he can feel their hot, foul breath on the back of his neck, he continues to stay two steps ahead of these two seasoned assasins. And though B Cornett, DD Dunn, the Crush Brothers (Oscar C and Joey R) and three ladies remain in the top 10 Overall (E Winter, M Patton and M Zider), the fight for the Overall win appears to have boiled down to these three. With only 2 events to go, the three top contenders are all within 6 points of each other. Expect the fireworks to fly and the cannonballs to launch over the final two weeks in this year's nail-biting WBL. A direct hit by one might seal the fate for all.

The Big Chill

The coldest air of the season descended upon Athens this past Saturday morning, 2 February 2013, but the arctic conditions still couldn't stop well over 100 stone-cold Zealots from picking up their battle axes and hauling themselves down to the start of the ride. Among the steel-hearted, gritty and determined attendees were the Bruno the Canuck Langois, Jered Gutcheck Gruber, Slim Tim Henry, Darren Guinness Stout Comer, Neil Copacetic Kopitsky, Chris el Jefe Chotas, Paul the Harbinger Harkins, Hank Leave it to Beaver, Mike Lobster Claws Szalkowski, Austin Furniture Company Ulich, Mikey Fulton Flyer Waine, and Good Gerdy Gary Gomez. Even Tim Lo-Down Lees, whose wife had a baby only the night before, made an appearance on this frosty morn an earned 1 point by doing so. (He told his lady he was "going out for milk." We have not yet confirmed what lie(s) he told her when he returned home.) As the pack cruised out of town via the Nowhere Road aqueduct, the icy sun chilled the Zealots to their frozen bones. And if you needed further proof that CEO of the WBL Briggs Carney is himself disreputable and just plain lowdown, one need not look any further than the first 6 miles. Carney scheduled a Ladies sprint at that point, only twenty minutes in. It was 34 degrees at the time. If you've ever tried to sprint with frozen legs then you know just how cruel Carney is. Still, I admit, it was fun watching the gals suffer. Womankind, after all, has been extremely unkind to men through the ages.

When the whistle blew at Mile 6, the pack of Ladies surged up the road. The fellows all moved to the side because all groups of gals, like dynamite and T.N.T., should be avoided if possible and handled with care if not. Ashley Gruber, E Winter, M Zider, M Patton, C Peacock, Shannon Parrish and Zoe Frazier among others burned rubber and pedal-sailed away. Winter jumped from 400 meters out, but the other ladies were on her like flies on a stinky mule—they were keeping Bone Crusher on a short tether today. When Bone Crusher was caught she threw up her arms and let out a rebel yell. (Though Bone Crusher herself is originally from outside the Pale, she, like Lady Z, has been corrupted by moonshine, grits and chicken mull.) The gals elbowed and jostled and bumped and even hurled insults at each other as they sped to the sprint line. Shannon Parrish was the most patient in the bunch and 200 meters from the line she jumped like a scalded dog. No one could hold her wheel and she motored across the line to take the sprint win. E Winter and M Zider rounded out the final two spots. Only 20 minutes into the day, the Zealots had conquered the cold. In fact, some folks were already starting to sweat. No wonder the ancients worshipped the sun.

Jackson County (Ladies)

Shannon Parrish: 3 pts
Erin Winter: 2 pts.
Mary Zider: 1 pt

The lusty group of rabble-rousers continued its northern push after the ladies sprint, and at Mile 30 the pack hit the bottom of Wildcat Hillbilly Hill, the Non Pro sprint, a 400 meter incline that looks more like a black thread dropped down from a cloud. The only problem was that there were no clouds. When the whistle blew at the bottom of the severe incline, twenty or so climbing gurus immediately sprang away. The gurus shot up the hill and rounded a corner only to be struck by the realization that the end of the incline was nowhere in sight. In fact, the hill kicked up again at an even nastier angle. The front group blew to bits and riders somersaulted backwards faster than a watermelon dropped from a roof. At the top of the hurtful hill, Damien Dunn, Lydick and Jonathon Cucaz rode clear of everyone else. Dunn jumped hard knowing a Boston Butt was the prize and scorched over the line in first. Lydick followed in 2nd, picking up 2 valuable points, while the impressive J Cucaz crossed the line in 3rd.

Wildcat Hillybilly Hill Jam (Non-Pro)

D Dunn: 3 pts
F Lydick: 2 pts.
J Cucaz: 1 pt

After the Non-Pro sprint the pack rolled over the next 10 miles to the store stop. After the stop at the store at Paoli Junction, the next 30 miles to the Final Attack Zone may have been the fastest stretch of the year. Leaving the store the group had an audacious following wind and at times the Zealots were scudding along at 30 miles per hour. The pace was relentless as Gruber and Bruno Langois burned through partners at the front like matchsticks. The lactic acid was burning in my legs like hot lava. The group could not and would not be contained and they hammered all the way to the Final Attack Zone, slowing only to cross the covered bridge at Watson Mill.

Shortly before Mile 70 the pack turned right at Hargrove Lake Road and the fireworks began. The Gene Dixon Attack Zone is an old time favorite and the Zealots have incorporated this section into their rides for nearly 15 years. It is a 9-mile Attack Zone with an intermediate sprint at Mile 4 at the top of the third dreadful hill, the much maligned Gene Dixon Hill. The Gene Dixon Hill is 300 meters of pure agony.

After a 30 second pause Michael New York got the festivities started with a brave attack. Though York's move was ultimately a suicide mission, his spunk should be rewarded. He was caught within a short space and the counter-attacks began to fly. The constant attacking would not stop or even slow down until the group had crossed the finish line.

As the group hit the bottom of Gene Dixon Hill, Rosskopf took off and powered away. He opened up a 15 second gap and never looked back. Travieso recognized the dangerous move and shot off in pursuit. Litespeed-BMW's Gearhart was accompanying Big Frank and lending much-needed help to the painful effort.

Rosskpf won the intermediate sprint and just kept going. He pushed a massive gear falling down the steep hill after the sprint and continued to motor away. Rosskopf was riding like his life depended on the win. Reportedly, he is fond of one-hundred dollar bills.

Gene Dixon Hill Jam

J Rosskopf: 3 pts
Big Frank Travieso: 2 pts.
Gearhart: 1 pt

Rosskopf continued stomping on his pedals and at the finish line he had opened up a massive 40 second gap. Big Frank also stayed clear over the same distance and rolled across in front of the front group with room to spare. Attacks continued to fly in the chase but every venture off the front was brought back into the fold by a powerful counter-attack. Heading down to the base of the Mur de Winterville with 2 miles to go, B Cornett and Gutcheck Gruber were 8 seconds clear. But as the group hit the Mur, the chase group ran them down as they took the final right had turn on Billy Melton Road.

As soon as the group turned onto Billy Melton Road, Oscar Clarke and T Brown unleashed a furious attack. The two went clear. but by less than 5 seconds. The following group sailed down Melton Road and hit the final uphill run to the finish line. Rosskopf and Big Frank were already home, but the pack was closing on 3rd and 4th. Brown jumped and so did Clarke and the two managed to cross the line only inches in front of 5th place. B Cornett won the field sprint (5th plave) and by doing so showed that if he gets his chance, he will take someone down. The remainder of the Zealots rolled across in bits and fragments, happy to be alive, happy to have survived another brutal day, and happy to be going home.

Finish (Billy Melton Road)

Joey Rosskopf: 10 pts.
Travieso: 8 pts
T Brown: 6 pts.
Oscar Clarke: 4 pts
B Cornett: 2 pt;
B Bryant: 1 pt
Tim Lees: Wife had a baby Last Night and He Still Rode Point: 1 pt
Everyone: 4 pts

Ladies:

M Zider: 5 pts.
M Patton: 3 pts.
E Winter: 2 pts.
Zoe Frazier: 1 pt

Non-Pro:

Lydick: 5 pts.
D Dunn: 3 pts.
Tony Robinson: 2 pts.
M Waine: 1 pt

WBL 2013 Overall Standings (after 10 events: 2 Feb.)

Fletcher Lydick: 76 pts
Thomas Brown: 72 pts.
Frank Travesio: 70 pts
Oscar Clarke: 57 pts
Erin Winter: 55 pts
Mary Zider: 53 pts
Damien Dunn: 53 pts
Brendan Cornett: 53 pts
Joey Rosskopf: 52 pts
Morgan Patton: 51 pts
Zoe Frazier: 48 pts.
Namrita Odea: 41 pts
Benjamin Bryant: 40 pts
Tim Lees: 40 pts
David Jordan: 39 pts
Shannon Parrish: 39 pts
David Haney: 39 pts
Catherine Peacock: 38 pts
Frank Crumley: 37 pts
Austin Ulich: 37 pts
Parker Haney: 36 pts
Russ Foster: 35 pts
Craig Tinsley: 35 pts.
Thom Leonard: 35 pts
Clarke Hurst: 35 pts
Crowe: 35 pts
Scott Morris: 34 pts.
Reid Peacock: 34 pts
Jason Crosby: 34 pts.
Eddie Odea: 33 pts
Sam Rafal: 32 pts
John Butler: 32 pts
Tony Scott: 31 pts.
Justin Smith: 30 pts
Matt Miller: 29 pts
Brooks Lide: 29 pts
Hunter Garrison: 29 pts
Clay Parks: 29 pts
Blake Bradford: 28 pts
Shannon Wrege: 27 pts
Phil Gaimon: 27 pts.
Maria Carrelli: 27 pts
Robert Consaster: 26 pts
Michael Waine: 26 pts
Cal Hootin: 26 pts
Austin Hilliard: 25 pts
Tomas Petit: 25 pts
Nick Arroyo: 25 pts
Michael York: 25 pts
Emile Abraham: 2 4 pts
Jonathon Cucaz: 23 pts
Tony Robinson: 23 pts
Phillip Han: 23 pts
Paul Harkins: 23 pts
David Goodman: 22 pts
Jason Bewley: 22 pts
Kirk Mad Smith: 22 pts
Josh Pontzer: 22 pts
Big Cappy: 21 pts
Brett Magner: 21 pts
Eric Murphy: 20 pts
Darrel Farlowe: 20 pts
Dalford England: 20 pts
Mike Edmonds: 20 pts
Nick Gastley: 20 pts
Dustin Mealor: 19 pts
A.J. Smith: 19 pts
Ashley Gruber: 19 pts
Jered Gruber: 19 pts
Chris Blackmon: 19 pts
Yo Simpson: 19 pts.
Ty Magner: 18 pts
Huntley Nash: 18 pts
Shannon Wrege: 18 pts
Livili Radli: 18 pts
Nick Housley: 17 pts
Jon Atkins: 17 pts
Eddie Hsu: 17 pts
Alexander Dijkema: 17 pts
Tina Mayola-Pic: 17
Chris Constantine: 16 pts
Chris Slone: 16 pts
Greg Brown: 16 pts
Joe Dunlop: 16 pts
AJ Meyer: 15 pts
Michael Trivette: 15 pts
Christian Dicenso: 15 pts..
Luke Broadwell: 15 pts
Don Newman: 14 pts
Rob Butler: 14 pts
Nick Oestrich: 14 pts
Sam Morgan: 12 pts.
Casey Magner: 12 pts
Winston David: 12 pts
Jeff Shirey: 12 pts
Eric Kirk: 10 pts
Keenan Howard: 12 pts.
Iona Parks: 12 pts
Brian Molloy: 12 pts
Fat Cappy: 11 pts
Michael York: 11 pts
Nick Frazier: 11 pt
Pablo Di Marco: 11 pts
Nick Fragnito: 11 pts
Phillip O'Donnell: 11 pts
Ceci Crowe: 11 pts
Big Cappy: 10 pts.
Jordan Heimer: 10 pts