WBL 2017 RIDE REPORTS

WBL # 1 (12-3-16): THE HUB BIKES GALLOP TO GOOD HOPE

120 Zealots—those misbegotten, misguided, sometimes besotted fools who love to roll out long, steady miles on their pedal-gliders with a few of their best friends—were on hand to celebrate the beginning of the WBL 2016-17 season with an 81-mile gallop down to Good Hope in the southern vector of the WBL Emporium. The cackling herd of double-file pedal-bangers chalked up a 20.3 mile-per-hour average over the gentle, rolling roads around High Shoals, Good Hope and Statham. And though the skies were streaked with dark gray clouds, the sun found a hole during the last hour of the 4-hour day and the grupetto rolled in compacto after a glorious day. But cold winds are rumored to be blowing, and the fight for dominance has just began.

WBL # 2 (12-10-16): THE TEAM MISSION SOURCE MARCH TO MAYSVILLE

Over 90 steely-souled, black-hearted, no-count, pavement pounders—Zealots—signed in for the second WBL extravaganza of the season, the TEAM MISSION SOURCE MARCH TO MAYSVILLE, a 78-mile sortie into the lumpy northeastern vector of Briggs Carney’s (CEO of the WBL) sprawling empire. Though the temp at rollout was a knuckle-biting, sphincter squeezing 32 degrees, the big yellow sun was shining like an old friend in a cloudless blue sky and the slobbering pack of shivering pedal-bashers soon were toasty warm and gossiping like old ladies at the beauty parlor, at least during some of the easier stretches. During other sections the only sound was the wind as those at the front-Ian Garrison, Willem Kaiser, Scott Morris, Austin Ulich, Erik Gruenwedel, Oliver Quinn, Chris Deluise, Thomas Gibbons, Frank Crumley and others—battled the wind like galley slaves. The group of hardcore Zealots rolled out the 78-mile route, which was chockfull of steep, thigh-sizzling inclines, at an impressive 20 miles per hour, a pace which didn’t cause constant consternation, but did occasionally cause a third degree burn.

In addition, the aforementioned pack-pullers and general hammer heads, kudos and shout-outs for great rides for Sam Tullis, Matt Whatley, Ashley Gruber, William Castrillon, Emily Cox, Natty Dunn, Michael Garrison, Jason K Jones, Wild Bill Lanzilotta, Tommy Morrison, Lauren Muller, Harrison Nguy, Madeleine Pierce, and Jamee Stradley. Buckle your chin straps, the fun is just beginning, and the boys and girls are ready to rumble.

WBL # 3 (12-17-16): THE DASTARDLY DANIELSVILLE DOO-WHOP

60 stout, foolhardy Zealots thumbed their collective noses at Mother Nature this past Saturday by disregarding dire warnings of an impending icy deluge of sleet and rain and headed out into the wild and windy hinterlands in the northeastern quadrant of the Emporium without regard for the consequences—these rambunctious pedal-fools just wanted to ride! And sometimes Fortuna, on a mere whim, smiles upon the vulgar mass and shows a small sliver of mercy, as she did on this day. The grupetto avoided a pluvial disaster and rolled up 78 miles over undulating terrain at a speedy 20.5 miles per hour. But the sun never poked a hole through the thick layers of gunmetal gray clouds and the temps stayed in the low 40s, causing many of the heavyweights—Ian Garrison, Willem Kaiser, Brock Mason, Chris Mojock, Oliver Quinn and Erik Gruenwedel—to boot-scoot-boogie down the road at a slightly uncomfortable speed in an effort to simply stay warm. But even though the temps were frigid and the skies were gray and gloomy, the mood of the pack soared when they realized they would complete the entire route without getting soaked by the rain. It was a bold play by a bevy of riverboat gamblers, and they cashed in. After the epic event, and in a rare showing of beneficence, because the group registered its toughest ride of the year in less than salutary conditions, CEO Briggs Carney awarded the entire pack and extra Foul Weather point. (Carney’s contract is up this year and he’s seeking to garner support by pandering to the vulgar mass.)

After 3 rides, a slew of Zealots are tied for the overall lead with 13 points, including Sam Peanut Tullis, Bill the Thrill Andrews, Jason Hincapie Bewley, David Cowboy Blalock, William the Castigator Castrillon, Lauren Mad Dog Mueller, Fat Frank Crumley, Nicolas Frederico Fedenco, Ian Cuts Like a Knife Garrison, David Heath Barcrunch, Willem the Imperial Kaiser, Scott Slim Jim Morris, Harrison No Go Nguy, Megan the Firebrand Heath, Madeleine Go Girl Pierce, Oliver Quick Feet Quinn, Sean P-Diddy Philyaw, Lefty Gruenwedel, Andy Balderdash Scarano, Lauren Krysler Dodge, Thomas Gibby Gibbons, Jane Tuffy Tullis, and Austin Texas Ulich. Put in your earpieces, ladies and gentleman, the fun is just beginning and things might get loud!

WBL # 4 (12-24-16): THE JOHNNY MERCURY CHRISTMAS EVE CLASSIC

About 60 Yuletide Zealots were in the mood to celebrate in the best way they know how—riding bikes with a group of like-minded friends—while simultaneously scoring a few WBL points by taking part in the Johnny Mercury Series Christmas Eve Classic this past Saturday, the day before the Jolly Fat Man* slides down the chimney. (*Please note by using the term Jolly Fat Man we are referring to Santa Claus, not Frank Crumley.) The celebratory Zealots were treated to mild temps, arid conditions, partly sunny skies, soaring spirits, and a moderately paced 47-mile, 2 ½ hour misadventure that never penetrated the beyond the bounds of the WBL’s Inner Sanctum of roads and byways. In fact, CEO Briggs Carney said it would have been a perfect day had not Mike Beaker Buechel, Stove Richmond, Natty Dunn and Josh Lumberjack Smith shown up. (Apparently those four got into Carney’s liquor cabinet at last year’s New Year’s Eve party and nearly drank up the yearly profits, but their arrests and subsequent acquittals are another story for another time.) This year, the Zealots were readying themselves for next Saturday’s rumble so they took the opportunity to roll out 47 miles at a pleasurable tempo. While the riders behind planned, and plotted, and chattered and cajoled, Scott Mojo Morris and Frazier Cycling’s Harrison No Go Nguy, David Little Heathen Heath, Blake the Blonde Bomb Wilson pulled the group back home like a team of Huskies pulling a loaded down sled. After the event, all the attendees were buzzing from the spirited ride, especially after Carney awarded a bonus point for all who signed in.

After four stellar rides, the season now moves into high gear as the sprinting begins. Who are the riders to watch, the riders who will achieve worldwide fame, stardom, celebrity status, and riches beyond measure in this year’s WBL? Only time will tell, but there are several experienced Zealots that have proven their mettle in the past and who already sit atop the dung heap. With only one more win, Thomas Hit Man Brown, who currently has 13 lifetime WBL wins, is poised to make history and take the lead with the Most Wins in the history of the WBL. Presently, he’s tied with John the Kid Murphy, who is rumored to be planning a trip down to try and take a win of his own. Not too far behind is Frank the Cuban Missile Travieso, who has 8 Lifetime Wins, and who has won the Overall Title two out of the last three years. In fact, Brown and Travieso have had somewhat of a stranglehold on the Leaderboard for the past 7 years. During this 7 year stretch, the Big O, Oscar Clark, is the only other rider has managed to break through and win the Overall. Clark, who has 7 total wins of his own, is one to reckon with—he’s young enough to score wins for many years to come. But if these three only look over their shoulders, coming like a freight train is high school senior Megan the Firebrand Heath. The young phenom from Frazier Cycling burst onto the scene two years ago and has finished 2^nd Overall for the last two years. Rumor has it she’s only been toying with her male counterparts, like a wildcat getting ready to pounce, and Vegas oddsmakers predict this might be the year. And don’t forget about Joey the Wrecking Ball Rosskopf, Ty the Emperor of A Town Magner, Dillon the Swami Swain, Jered Gutcheck Gruber and Austin Texas Ulich, all chomping at the bit and rattling the doors of their cages. So turn down the lights, Ladies and Gentlemen, and turn off your phones, the curtain is coming up and the show is about to begin.

WBL # 5 (12-31-16): THE ANGELA BEWLEY DENTAL PRACTICE COACHING ROOT CANAL CLASSIC

90 Zealots were on hand to mark the end of 2016 as well as to watch Ian Skywalker Garrsion storm to victory today as he took his first ever WBL win and moved into 1^st Place in THE HUB BIKES OVERALL COMPETITION with 28 points. Skywalker barely nudged out the Cuban Missile, Frank Travieso, who took 2^nd on the day and moved into 3^rd in the Overall Standings. Blake Dusty Rhodes Wilson also make a huge jump in the Overall Standings after he and Robert Criss Cross Conaster nearly pulled off a major coup and stole the win, only to be passed after taking a wrong turn late in the Attack Zone. But fear not, ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic duo of Criss Cross and Dusty Rhodes a.k.a. the American Dream were awarded 5 points for their stellar attack.

The day began under cold, gray skies and instead of warming temps, the day only grew more chill in the bone as Mr. Freeze blew his frosty breath across the frozen tundra, causing the intrepid Zealots to shimmy shake in their undergarments and to shiver in their toes. But the Big O Oscar Clark, Jonathon A Train Atwell and Thomas Hit Man Brown were intent on heating up the pack, so they went to the front and pressed down on their pedals in a most disrespectful manner. The trio burned up the blacktop and scorched the pavement as the group splintered into several echelons behind. But the gasping grupetto was saved by the store stop and the trio was cursed heartily as the ravenous Zealots stuffed their gullet with convenience store victuals as the chill once again set in.

When the group hit the Final Attack Zone, the cruel and lumpish 9-mile Gene Dixon final sector on Hargrove Lake Road, the cagey riders eyeballed each other like snipers with their finger on the trigger. But soon it was Game On and several contenders launched out into the wild blue yonder in search of fame and fortune. But nothing could stick until Dylan Dusty Rhodes Wilson and Michael York Shire Pudding went clear on the second of six dastardly hills. The duo was joined by Robert Criss Cross Conaster and the trio began to sail away, eventually opening up a dangerous 15 second gap. Behind, the attacks kept firing off the front as a few tried to cross the gap and join the three players up the road. But even though the wind and the cold stymied all those trying to cross, Fat Frank Crumley did come close, though he too finally succumbed to the tidal wave behind. But with a little over 1 mile to go, the Sag Car missed a turn and the duo followed (York Shire Pudding had come untethered a short time before.) It was a devastating turn of events for the salty pair but they were awarded 5 points for their daring quest. The pack behind, now salivating like rabid dogs, mushroomed at the front as they flew to the invisible line. Because the Sag Driver wasn’t standing at the line, no one knew exactly where it was but it didn’t stop the massive group from motoring up the final hill at a most precarious speed. At the barely visible line, Skywalker edged out the Cuban Missile with a deadly turn of speed, followed closely by Michael Little Bro Garrison, Vandezande, Nguy, Quinn and Dunn. Though the finish was haphazard, it was yet another glorious day. And to cap off the event, sleet and the rain pelted the pack in the last 10 miles home, assuring the ride would achieve “Epic” status and win the group an extra Foul Weather point. Salud, Boys and Girls, the games have begun.

Ian Garrison: 10 pts
Frank Travieso: 8 pts.
Michael Garrison: 6 pts.
Jonathon Vandezande: 4 pts. / Harrison Nguy: 4 pts
Nat Dunn: 2 pts.
Oliver Quinn: 1 pts.
Thomas Duke: 1 pt
Blake Wilson: Attack Points: 5 pts.
Robert Conaster: Attack Points: 5 pts.
Michael York: Attack Point: 1 pt.
Frank Crumley: Attack Point: 1 pt.
All: 5 pts. (4 pts. + 1 bad weather pt.)

WBL # 6 (1-8-17): THE INDEPENDENT BAKING COMPANY LADIES CLASSIC

Megan the Firebrand Heath scored the victory on the Independent Baking Company Ladies Day Classic with a sizzling turn of speed after 50 miles in the saddle on a shockingly cold day in the WBL—the temperature at tipoff was a toe-numbing, finger-freezing 28 degrees. The Ladies finished on the diabolical Pink Church Finish, a one-mile uphill climb into a headwind, and the Firebrand showed she had too much horsepower for her compatriots when push came to shove. Heath was followed closely across the line by Ashley Catwalk Gruber, who showed a nasty turn of speed herself. Catwalk was followed by Judah Sencenbaugh, Jane Tullis, Lauren Dodge, Kathleen Laporte and Madeleine Pearce, who all burned rubber and singed the pavement their wheels were spinning so fast. After the sprint, all the men looked at each other and they trembled.

Saturday’s WBL ride was cancelled due to forecasts of four inches of snow, but even deleterious conditions could not stop sixty hard-nosed, steel-willed, black-hearted Zealots from showing up on Sunday ready to rock and rumble. And though the temperature at takeoff was less than stellar, the sun was shining bright and after a few miles of pedal-stomping, the pack was warm and toasty and full of good cheer. But things would change in short order.

The pack hit the first Pro sprint of the year, the Jefferson Riviera Hill Jam, about two hours in. As the group plunged down the declivitous side of the hill, Jered Gutcheck Gruber and Thomas Hitman Brown went to the front and stretched the pack into a thin, weaving, heart-hammering singlefile line. Gutcheck and Hitman traded pulls down the hill as such a high speed no one could move up and when the grupetto hit the steep climb once they crossed the bridge, Thomas Nature Boy Gibbons powered away to take the cash. Nature Boy was followed by Tommy Mojo Morrison and an impressive Seth Country Time Callahan in 3^rd.

A short time later it was the ladies turn to boogie, and that they did. With her fabulastic win, Heath moved into the lead in the Hub Overall Competition. But next weekend the Pros begin their sprints, and with a double-dose of pleasure on tap—two rides over 2 days—the Overall could see another shakeup at the top. The Overall is dominated at this point, halfway into the season, by youth, especially the young guns from Frazier Cycling. These Young Turks aren’t resting on their laurels either, they’ve taken the bull by the horns. Put on your ear goggles and unplug the phone, Ladies and Gentlemen, the games have begun.

Ladies Finish (sponsored by Independent Baking Company):

Megan Heath: 10 pts
Ashley Gruber: 8 pts.
Judah Sencenbaugh: 6 pts.
Jane Tullis: 4 pts.
Lauren Dodge: 2 pts.
Kathleen Laporte: 1 pts.
Madeleine Pierce: 1 pt
Lauren Muller: Pull Points: 1 pt.
Georgia Hawkins: True Grit Point: 1 pt.
Isabella Nguy: True Grit Point: 1 pt.
Kalen Lee Scholz: True Grit Point: 1 pt
All: 4 pts. (3 pts. + 1 chill point.)

Jefferson Riviera Hill Jam

Thomas Gibbons: 3 pts
Tommy Morrison: 2 pts.
Seth Callahan: 1 pt

WBL # 7 (1-14-17): THE KEN BIKE LA-CLASSIC CITY BREAD BOWMAN CLASSIC

Jonathon the Green Lantern Atwell scored the greatest win of his illustrious career as he outkicked his two breakaway companions—Jered Gutcheck Gruber and Gabriel Pink Socks Mendez—at the end of a grueling 100-mile day. When the large 90 person grupetto turned onto Erastus Church Road and began the deceptively difficult 9-mile Final Attack Zone, Thomas Nature Boy Gibbons immediately pushed the pedal to the floor and stretched the pack into one long, thin line before it finally snapped in three or four spots. The front two groups came back together after a half mile but another half dozen attacked straightaway and kept the packs collective heartrate and an average of 275 beats per minute. Tongues were wagging as the pack was skidding down the runway at 35 miles per hour and they were less than two miles in.

When the leaders took the left turn onto Seagraves Mill Road, Gutcheck Gruber exploded off the front, as he is wont to do, and quickly opened a 100-meter gap. Alarm bells clattered behind and Atwell and Mendez jumped and managed to join Gruber after a 500-meter chase. Behind the strong riders weren’t resting on their laurels and Thomas Nature Boy Gibbons, Frank the Cuban Missile Travieso, Ryan the Sleeper Knapp and Huntley Moto Mojo Nash surged and began a furious chase. The group behind split into bits and pieces as riders pushed forward and fought to hang on. As the riders climbed Seagraves Road Hill and took the right on Nowhere Road with 3 miles to go, the 3 leaders held a tenuous seven second gap over the four chasers, who were throwing caution to the wind and tearing up the road. The third group on the road contained about 20 riders and was another 15 seconds in arrears. All three groups were ripping down the road like their house was on fire.

In an impressive show of strength, the three frontrunners held off the chasers down the 3-mile run to the finish line. Gruber jumped first but was countered by Atwell who powered away for the win. Gruber followed for second and the impressive 18-year old wunderkind, Gabriel Mendez, crossed the line in third. Gibbons won the sprint from the four-man chase group, followed closely by Ryan Knapp, Frank Travieso and Huntley Nash. Megan Heath, Judah Sencenbaugh and Jane Tullis showed impressive fortitude and finished in the 20-person chased group only twenty seconds behind the front seven. Solid rides also from David Heath, Seth Callahan, Scott Morris, Erik Gruenwedel, Isabella Nguy, Sam Tullis and Aidan Landrum. Kudos, Ladies and Gents, for one epic ride.

Finish (sponsored by Ken Bike Law-Classic City Bread):

Jonathon Atwell: 10 pts
Jered Gruber: 8 pts.
Gabriel Mendez: 6 pts
Thomas Gibbons pts.: 4 pts
Ryan Knapp: 2 pts.
All: 6 pts. (5 pts. + 1 accidental additional 8 miles)

Ladies Finish (sponsored by Team Mission Source Juniors)

Megan Heath: 5 pts.
Judah Sencenbaugh: 3 pts
Jane Tullis: 1 pt

Non Pro Finish Finish (sponsored by Team Type I Foundation)

Jonathon Atwell: 5 pts.
Gabriel Mendez: 3 pts
Frank Travieso: 1 pt

Melton Road Hill Jam / Ladies Sprint (sponsored by College Transitions)

Lauren Dodge: 3 pts
Jane Tullis: 2 pts.
Megan Heath: 1 pt

Old Wildcat Bridge Hill Jamboree / Non Pro (sponsored by Keim Performance Consulting)

Frank Travieso: 3 pts
Seth Callahan: 2 pts.
Gabriel Mendez: 1 pt

WBL # 8 (1-15-17): THE ATLANTIS HYDROPONICS MADISON CLASSIC

The Indiana Rocker, Ryan Knapp, outsprinted his breakaway companion, Brick Dangerblade, on the 2^nd day of a cruel double-header weekend and won his first ever WBL ride this past Sunday, an 83-mile slobber-knocker south through Madison and beyond. The group tackled the deceptive 6-mile Flatrock Road Attack Zone and as soon as the whistle blew the fifty-person group was strung out into a single-file thread weaving and bobbing down Wire Bridge Road like their pants were on fire. Strong riders launched attacks off the front and panic set in behind and everyone pedaled like hell and was flying over the blacktop and groups rejoined and split again and it was a regular fistfight the first two miles on the gently undulating roads.

The attacks and counter-attacks continued as the group flew down the fast sections on Oliver Bridge but was still together, though heaving heavily, as the riders turned right on Flat Rock Road with 2 miles to go. As the group raced up the initial steep slopes of Flat Rock, Dangerblade smelled blood and went for the jugular—he stood and kicked and kept on going and quickly opened up a 100-meter gap. Knapp, drawing on his experience as a former rock star, smelled a rat and soloed from the group and bridged to Brick. The two recognized that fame and fortune awaited one of them so they shared the load collectively worked together like two well-trained sled dogs. Though riders in the group behind launched several violent surges, no one could bridge the gap and the two stayed clear by 10 seconds. At the line, the Rocker out-juked Dangerblade to take the greatest victory of his impressive career. Behind the two front-runners Sean YoYo Philyaw soloed across for 3^rd in an impressive display of brute strength. He was followed by the thundering herd close on his heels, lead home by the Cuban Missile Frank Travieso in 4^th and Saturday’s victor, Jonathon the Green Lantern Atwell, in 5^th. On the Ladies side of the ledger, Mighty Jane Tullis won the day followed by M Heath and J Sencenbaugh.

Heath sits on top in the Hub Overall Competition but Philyaw, Atwell and Travieso are lurking in the shadows. Frazier Cycling’s Jane Tullis, Harrison Nguy and Blake Wilson continue to impress and remain in the Top 7 Overall with Frank Crumley, Madeline Pearce, Ashley Gruber and David Heath rounding out the Top 11, that is, those “in the money.” (Please note 11^th place this year = $1.)

Finish (sponsored by Atlantis Hydroponics)

Ryan Knapp: 10 pts
Brick Dangerblade: 8 pts.
Sean Philyaw: 6 pts
Frank Travieso pts.: 4 pts
Jonathon Atwell: 2 pts.
Jered Gruber: 1 pt
All: 4 pts. (1 pt. per hour)

Ladies Finish (sponsored by Team Mission Source Juniors)

Jane Tullis: 5 pts.
Megan Heath: 3 pts
Judah Sencenbaugh: 1 pts

Non Pro Finish Finish (sponsored by Team Type I Foundation)

Sean Philyaw: 5 pts.
Frank Travieso: 3 pts
Jonathon Atwell: 1 pt
Harrison Nguy: 1 pt

Bishop City Limit / Ladies Sprint (sponsored by )

Megan Heath: 3 pts
Ashley Gruber: 2 pts.
Tracie Fernandez: 1 pt

Antoich Hill Climb / Pro (sponsored by Greg Sommerville / Icon Sprint)

Jonathon Atwell: 3 pts
Tommy Morrison: 2 pts.
Frank Travieso: 1 pt

WBL # 9 (1-28-17): THE PORTERFIELD TIRE ALTO WORLD CUP EVENT

Thomas Euell Gibbons turned WBL 2017 on its head by storming to victory on the Alto World Cup Event on a brutal beat down, 115 mile day in the saddle. Not only did the Grapenuts loving wild man snag the final sprint in a wicked display of pedal turning, he also nailed the Alto City Limits Sprint and pocketed over 25-thousand in cash on the day, and about as many points, and catapulted up the leaderboard and the bearded naturalist now sits in first place in the Hub Overall Competition. But Megan the Firebrand Heath, who was absent this week, and Sean Yeehaw Philyaw are breathing down Euell’s neck and could overtake him in the final three rides. Several others remain within striking distance, but it will take a couple of stellar days to catch the three frontrunners who appear to be galloping away.

The epic day began under sunny skies, cold temps, and fierce winds, but nothing could discourage the lusty group of cycling nabobs and they scorched the route, which contained about 7,000 feet of climbing, at a solid 20 mile-per-hour average. It was not a day for the faint of heart, it was a time for this year’s winners to shine, and bless their hearts, a host of insensitive, uncaring, no-count pedal bashers did just that. On the way to Alto the wind battered the large group of 100 from the left side—the west—and on the return trip it pummeled the group from the right; the trick was to be on the leeward side in the double file line. Easier said than done—those on the windward side were left battered and bruised.

The group hit the grueling and despicable 9-mile Alto Final Attack Zone at Mile 99 and John Butler rubbed his lucky chicken claw he keeps in his jersey for good luck. The group hit the dreaded Steep Dog Hill in the first mile and the large pack exploded. Over the top of the steep 300-meter pitch, 15 riders pulled clear and sailed away. Heading down Seagraves Mill Road with 5 miles to go a dangerous threesome containing Thomas Gibbons, Thomas Brown and Brick Dangerblade went clear but the other dozen sat on the Big O Oscar Clarke’s wheel as he gave a gut wrenching pull to claw back the three fleeing felons as they took the last right on Nowhere Road with 3 miles to go. Flying down the fast contours of Nowhere Road several riders went on the attack, but the fierce wind was blowing so hard it stymied attempts. In the end, with 600 meters to go, the Big O went to the front and pressed the accelerator to the floorboard and led the pack to the line at over 40 miles per hour. With 200 meters to go, Thomas Hitman Brown jumped and momentarily looked like he was headed for the win and with it the record for the most lifetime wins in the WBL (Brown has 13 at present, tied with John Murphy), but Gibbons shot off the Hitman’s wheel with 100 meters to go and pushed past with 20 meters to go. As Gibbons crossed the line he shot both arms into the air as the tears streaked down his face—he had won the legendary Alto World Cup. Brown held on for the 2^nd and the impressive fast man Emile Trinny Abraham ripped across in the 3^rd. The resilient Brendan Bam Bam Cornett, newbie Peter Foerster, Ian GoGo Garrison and Andy Scarano all made the lead group and rounded out the Top 7. On the Ladies side of the ledger, Judah Sencenbaugh showed incredible fortitude and won the day for the gals, followed closely by the gutsy Lauren Mueller and Loren Morgan. Salud, this glass is raised to you!

Thomas Gibbons: 15 pts
Thomas Brown: 12 pts.
Emile Abraham: 9 pts.
Brendan Cornett: 6 pts.
Peter Foerster: 3 pts
Ian Garrison: 2 pts
Andy Scarano: 1 pt
All: 6 pts. (6 hours) Non Pro

Non Pro:

Emile Abraham: 5 pts
Ian Garrison: 4 pts
Sean Fincham: 3 pts
Sean Philyaw: 2 pts

Ladies:

Judah Sencenbaugh: 8 pts.
Lauren Mueller: 7 pts.
Isabella Nguy: 5 pts.
Madeline Pearce: 4 pts.

The Alto City limit sprint lived up to its bad reputation as the cruelest sprint of the season. The group splintered as the riders tackled three radically steep climbs and over the top of the third hateful hummock five riders had a 15 second gap over a chase group of ten. Just as Gibbons, Clark, Brown, Nash and Gruber crossed the railroad tracks and took the only right hand turn with 3 miles to go, a train came barreling down the tracks cut off the chase—it was a Paris-Roubaix moment. But without hesitation Gutcheck Gruber took a right turn on a parallel road before the tracks and motored his merry self away—almost instantly the road turned to dirt. The evil Gruber smiled. A little over one mile later the chase group popped out behind the lead five and were pedaling hell bent for leather trying to bring them back. But it wasn’t to be and in a show of force and sign of what was to come. Euell Gibbons tap danced away at the line and took the cash, the points and the glory. Gutcheck was awarded 1 point for his quick, dirt road bent of mind.

Alto City Limit Sprint / Icon Sprint:

Thomas Gibbons: 5 pts
Oscar Clark: 4 pts
Thomas Brown: 3 pts
Brick Diesel: 2 pts
Huntley Nash: 1 pt
Jered Gruber: 1 pt

Crackback Hill (Non Pro)

Sean Veachum: 3 pts
Conner Rhinehardt: 2 pts
David Heath: 1 pt

Crackback Hill (40 plus)

Emile Abraham / Jake Andrews (tie): 3 pts
Butch Brookings: 2 pts
Wes Garland: 1 pt

With 3 events left, Thomas Gibbons has catapulted to the top, but he’s followed closely by M Heath and Sean Philyaw. Several remain in striking distance—Travieso, Blake Wilson, Judah Sencenbaugh, Frank Crumley, David Heath, Jered Gruber, Huntley Nash—but if the top three keep tallying points in the same consistent fashion they have up to this point, the pack may watch these songbirds sail away. Hold on to your hats, Lads and Lasses, the wind is coming in strong.

WBL # 10: THE PARKS LAW GREENSBORO CLASSIC / 2-4-17

Thomas Hitman Brown proved he is the most feared Zealot astride the globe as he nailed his 14^th lifetime WBL win this past Saturday on a 90-mile romp through Greensboro. Brown’s feat has been 13 years in the making—it was in 2004 when he took part in his first WBL ride, but it would be another six years before he took his first win. In 2010, however, Brown stormed onto the podium with two stage wins and the Overall Victory to boot. Since then—the past seven years—he’s been picking off wins at an average of two per year. Through it all he’s shown patience and preservation, dedication and determination, true grit and drive. He’s also shown the cold, deadly conscious of a mafia hitman—he’ll run a sword through your gullet and smile while you’re innards are pouring into your hands. Hitman’s the most feared man in the pack though not only because he has 14 WBL wins to his credit, but also because he’s capable of picking up several more.

The Parks Law Greensboro Classic set off under sunny but crisp skies and once again, the winds were blowing like gangbusters and buffeting the large group of 90 as they huddled for cover while motoring down south. But a sense of foreboding hung over the pack because here was no pot of gold at the end of the road; instead, the despicable and dreaded Gene Dixon Attack Zone awaited these pedaling fools. As soon as the pack hit Hargrove Lake Road and the whistle blew the attacks flew fast and furious. In fact, Hub Overall Leader Thomas Euell Gibbons sent shockwaves through the pack when he attacked straightaway on the downhill leading up to first of six nasty hummocks, but this group was too strong and they swiftly closed down the Grapenuts-loving super freak.

The attacks continued fast and furious over the first brutish hill but nothing could stick until Andy Mr. Tamborine Man Scarano shot out of the pack like he was Bob Dylan looking for a lost lyric. Mr. Tamborine Man went over the second ginormous hump with a sizeable gap and just kept on pressing down on his pedals with a great deal of angst. Ian Long and Lean Garrison recognized that Scarano, like a Rolling stone, might just roll away if he didn’t react so he leapt across the gap with a perfectly timed stompage. But it still took Long and Lean 30 seconds to cross the gap and by that time the Tamborine Man had swept up the Icon Sprint at the top of Gene Dixon Hill, the third terrible monster.

After the grueling uphill sprint, the Tamborine Man pulled the plug and called it a day but Long and Lean kept hammering like a yodeling fool. He was soon joined by the Big O, Oscar Clarke, and Hitman himself, and the trio immediately recognized opportunity for the taking—with 4 miles to go three dangerous felons were fleeing towards the finish. The groups behind had splintered into four distinct groups, with each echeloned across the road and chasing furiously. In the first chase group, Grapenuts was doing yeoman’s work, with help from super-junior Harrison No Go Nguy. Big Frank Tavieso, and Gutcheck Gruber, but they couldn’t close the gap—the three frontrunners were raging away. As the three turned on Melton Road and approached 1 mile to go, they still held an 8 second advantage. At that point Gutcheck Gruber showed what a malignant heart he has as he jumped away and managed to make contact just as the trio wound it up for the sprint. At the line, Brown squeaked by Clark by a left elbow to take the historic win, followed by Clark, Garrison and Gruber. Gibbons won the filed sprint for 5^th and the impressive Harrison Nguy stormed across in 6^th. Judah Sencenbaugh again won the day for the Ladies with tough gal Ashley Gruber in 2^nd and the young strong lady Bella Nguy in 3^rd. Kudos for another great ride.

In the quest for the Hub Overall, Gibbons has shot out to a 10-point lead, but there’s about a dozen people in contention for second. Though Gibbons’ lead is comfortable, two stellar days by one of the dirty dozen hanging around 2^nd could result in an upending of the apple cart. Ian Garrison, Sean Philyaw, Judah Sencenbaugh, Frank Travieso, Jered Gruber, Harrison Nguy and David Heath are just some of those waiting to pounce should Gibbons falter. With two to go, the heat is on!

Finish (sponsored by Parks Law)

Thomas Brown: 10 pts
Oscar Clark: 8 pts.
Ian Garrison: 6 pts
Jered Gruber pts.: 4 pts
Thomas Gibbons: 2 pts.
Harrison Nguy: 1 pt
All: 5 pts. (1 pt. per hour)

Ladies Finish (sponsored by Team Mission Source Juniors)

Judah Sencenbaugh: 5 pts.
Ashley Gruber: 3 pts
Isabelle Nguy: 1 pts

Non Pro Finish Finish (sponsored by Team Type I Foundation)

Ian Garrison: 5 pts.
Harrison Nguy: 3 pts
David Heath: 1 pt

Greene County / Ladies Sprint (sponsored by )

Judah Sencenbaugh: 3 pts
Lauren Dodge: 2 pts.
Ashley Gruber: 1 pt

Wodville Sprint / Tour of Georgia Gran Fodo Sprint / 40 +

Scott Morris: 3 pts
Damien Dunn: 2 pts.
Greg Brown: 1 pt

Gene Dixon Icon Sprint / Sponsored by Greg Sommerville

Andy Scarano: 3 pts
Ian Garrison: 2 pts.
Oscar Clarke: 1 pt

GREG SOMMERVILLE ICON SPRINT SERIES STANDINGS (after 3 out of 5 sprints):

Thomas Gibbons: 5 pts
Oscar Clark: 5 pts
Andy Scarano: 3 pts
Thomas Brown: 3 pts
Jonathon Atwell: 3 pts
Ian Garrison: 2 pts
Brick Diesel: 2 pts
Tommy Morrison: 2 pts
Huntley Nash: 1 pt
Jered Gruber: 1 pt
Frank Travieso: 1 pt.

Georgia Gran Fondo Sprint Series / 40+ (After 2 of 4 sprints):

Scott Morris: 3 pts
Emile Abraham: 3 pts
Damien Dunn: 2 pts
Butch Brookings: 2 pts
Wes Garland: 1 pt
Greg Brown: 1 pt.

WBL # 11 (2-11-17): THE GRUBER IMAGES HOMER CLASSIC

Ian Long and Lean Garrison pulled of a spectacular coup this past Saturday and not only won an 88-mile romp that traveled through Homer and the rolling terrain that surrounds it, he catapulted into the lead in the HUB OVERALL COMPETITION by a whopping 11-point margin. He also became the first rider this year to win two events and with one ride to go, Long and Lean is sitting on the cusp of his greatest achievement in his budding career—Overall in the WBL. Later that evening at a black-tie event at the Governor’s mansion in Buckhead, Garrison was heard to hint to a gaggle of admirers that he may retire at the tender age of 18. “After all, “Garrison mused while swirling his cocktail, “what else is left in life, and me, so young and vulnerable.” A single tear rolled down from his left eye.

A potent contingency of about 30 diehard stalwarts signed in for the Gruber Classic this past Saturday and the pack set off for another 4-plus hour day in the salt mines beneath patchy gray clouds and suspiciously stiff winds. After 75 miles of slaving over hill and dale, battling the crosswinds through twists and turns, and fighting for position in the double-file line, the group turned right at Alligator Pond and began the Final 8-mile Attack Zone, the vicious and hated Pink Church Loop, with the cruel finish at the iconic Pink Church Line. As the pack climbed the long one-mile hill to the the Pink Church Line, the Zealots eyeballed each other, waiting on another to make the first move. With 700 meters to go, Matt Mack Truck Whatley and Michael Lady Killer York turned on the turbo blasters and gapped a hesitating pack and hammered away. However, while the two were dreaming of fame and fortune, cash and caviar, fast cars and loose women, the Cuban Missile Frank Travieso and his cohort in crime, Thomas *Dirtman Brown, went flying by. Travieso nipped Brown at the line and the two never stopped or slowed down and they turned right and headed down Corkscrew Hill with a gap at an alarming speed. But the powerful group behind realized there were 22-wins between the two riders up the road, so the big engines behind closed the gap with a furious run down the hill.

On the steep climb out of Corkscrew Basin, Long and Lean showed his hand—he stomped his accelerator, revved his engine and powered away. The Big O Oscar Clark and Ryan Indiana Jones Knapp jumped quickly and managed to close the gap over the top of the cumbersome hill. But the hill kicked up again and at this point the three leaders were committed to the task at hand and flew up the hill like angels with wings…which I should add, they certainly are not. But the deadly trio did cause considerable consternation in those left behind. As the leading trio of Knapp, Clarke and Garrrison turned right on Jefferson River Road with 4 miles to go, they had a 15 second gap over Travieso, J Gruber, Brown and an impressive Pat Raines, who were still determined to catch the three in front. Behind, it was a trail of tears, the group had been blown asunder. Even so, these brave and mighty warriors hammered on!

The three flying Dutchmen at the front ripped down the fast, flowy contours of J River Road so fast they actually increased their lead over the chasers ans as they turned right at Alligator Pond with 1 mile to go, it appeared the winner would come from this group of three. But there was no let-up as they headed up the last 1ong hill to the line and each raged with equal fury. 200 meters from the line the three stood and sprinted side-by-side with such ferocity the road undulated slightly to one side but was quickly restored. The young 18-year old wunderkind Ian Garrison showed the strength of ten bulls as he pulled clear at the line in what was a ferocious slanting uphill sprint by all three. Behind, Thomas Brown jumped from the chase and soled across for 4^th. Travieso, Gruber and Raines blazed across the line in the next group of three, with all the steel-willed Zealots who rode the Final Attack Zone coming in behind in groups of ones and twos. (This Attack Zone has been rated “brutal” by the world governing body.) Judah Sencenbaugh again showed she is at the top of her game and won the day for the Ladies, with Ashley Gruber and Lauren Mueller showing amazing fortitude by taking the next 2 spots. Oliver the Beard Quinn and Travieso also showed the strength of four horses and three goats by winning intermediate sprints, with Travieso taking out two. Exceptional rides also for: Erik Gruenwedel, Michael York, Matt Whatley, Michael Sencenbaugh and Gatewood Baynes—Salud! To another epic day!

In the HUB Overall Competition, young Ian holds the keys to the kingdom in his hands, but 2^nd through 10^th are a juggernaut. Sencenbaugh, Brown, Travieso and Gibbons are all within 1 point of each other, and others—Gruber, Morris, Atwell—are lurking behind. The fireworks will be flying with 1 ride to go.

Finish (sponsored by Gruber Images)

Ian Garrison: 10 pts
Ryan Knapp: 8 pts.
Oscar Clark: 6 pts
Thomas Brown: 4 pts
Frank Travieso: 2 pts.
Jered Gruber: 1 pt
Pat Raines: 1 pt.
All: 5 pts.

Ladies Finish (sponsored by Team Mission Source Juniors)

Judah Sencenbaugh: 5 pts.
Ashley Gruber: 3 pts
Lauren Mueller: 1 pts

Non Pro Finish Finish (sponsored by Team Type I Foundation)

Ian Garrison: 5 pts.
Frank Traviso: 3 pts
Pat Raines: 1 pt

Chandler Bridge / Ladies Sprint (sponsored by )

Judah Sencenbaugh: 3 pts
Morgan Patton Brown: 2 pts.
Ashley Gruber: 1 pt

Apple Valley Hill Jam / Non Pro

Frank Travieso: 3 pts
Ian Garrison: 2 pts.
Jonathon Atwell: 1 pt

Jefferson Riviera Wall / Tour of Georgia Gran Fodo Sprint / 40 +

Oliver Quinn: 3 pts
Sean Philyaw: 2 pts.
Scott Morris: 1 pt

Pink Church Icon Sprint / Pro Sprint (Sponsored by Greg Sommerville)

Frank Travieso: 3 pts
Thomas Brown: 2 pts.
Jonathon Atwell: 1 pt

WBL # 12 (2-18-17): THE GEORGIA CYCLE SPORT MADISON FINALE

The Big O Oscar Clarke first broke the backs of his compatriots in the final event of the 2017 season, and then he stomped on the heart of his breakaway companion, Jered Gutcheck Gruber, as he won a two-up sprint on the brutal Flatrock Road Sprint and tallied his 8^th lifetime win. Ian Long and Lean Garrison simply blew kisses and tossed flowers all day to the thousands of adoring fans lining the roads during the ride and crossed the line in 4^th place and won the crown as the Hub Overall Champion for 2017. After the ride, L and L was prancing around the parking lot with a big fat stogie in hand bellowing that his bronze at Worlds last year was a big addition to his palmares, but his WBL Overall win paid better. And so it does. The Cuban Missile Frank Travieso scored big on the day and moved into 2^nd in the Overall, only 4 points behind L and L. First Lady of WBL 2017, Judah the Sledgehammer Sencenbaugh, also tallied enough points to finish in 3^rd in the Overall, followed by Thomas Dirtman Brown and Thomas G-Man Gibbons, who tied for 4^th. Great good gurdy, it was one helluva year.

The day began under sunny skies which would eventually top out at over 70 degrees, causing exposed skin to burn and turn fifty shades of red. When the group of fifty or so soldiers hit the Flatrock Road Final Attack Zone three hours in, they’d already been beaten and bludgeoned by the wind and the hefty pulls of such sundry strongmen as the hateful Gruber, the despicable Brown, the nefarious Clark, and the dapper Travieso. The grupetto spread out single file on Wire Bridge due to the scintillating speed, and though several Zealots launched attacks, nothing could go clear. But when the pack turned onto Oliver Bridge Road, a Novo rider pushed out to a 300-meter gap and held firm. Ove the fast and flowy sections on Oliver Bridge, the Big O made his move, but the prescient, Michael Speed Cheeks Garrison bolted too. Both riders bridged and poured more coal into the furnace, but Clarke could not be contained and raged like a wild boar stuck in the ass by a blow dart. Due to Clark’s fury, both the Novo rider and Speed Cheeks came unhitched as they took the final right hand turn on Flatrock Road with 2 miles to go. At this pojt, the Zealots were hurting so bad that Jerry Lewis could be heard up in Heaven playing “Great Balls of Fire,” that is, if grown men who marry their 13-year old cousins actually do gain entry to the Mansion in the Sky.

The Big O charged up Flatrock Road and looked like he might be bound for glory, that is until Gutcheck Gruber blew out of the chase, which was disintegrating over the ruinous roads of Flatrock, and bridged to Clarke in a truly awe-inspiring, soul-searing, eye-popping, thigh crushing chased. “I will be a frosted Pop Tart,” Clark whispered when Gutcheck made contact. The two worked in unison the final 1 mile to the line, giving the desperate chasers behind no quarter. “That means we stomped their asses,” the Big O proudly proclaimed at the post ride press conference. At the line. Clark outdueled Gruber for the victory, making him the 7^th different winner this year. (Ian Garrison is the only Zealot with 2 stage wins.) Travieso won the chase group sprint for 3^rd, followed by L and L, Dirtman and Tytus Magner. Ashley Catwalk Gruber won the day for the Ladies but Sencenbaugh rolled up enough points to keep her in 3^rd Overall. Superfabulastic rides on the day from Sean Philyaw, Lauren Muller, Erik Gruenwedel, Michael York, Michael Garrison and Natty Dunn.

Salud, Ladies and Gents, we’ll see you next year!

Finish (sponsored by Georgia Cycle Sport)

Oscar Clark: 10 pts
Jered Gruber: 8 pts.
Frank Travieso: 6 pts
Ian Garrison: 4 pts
Thomas Brown: 2 pts.
Ty Magner: 1 pt
Attack Point: Michael Garrison: 1 pt.
Gutcheck Bridge the Gap Point: Gruber: 1 pt
All: 4 pts.

Ladies Finish (sponsored by Team Mission Source Juniors)

Ashley Gruber: 5 pts.
Judah Sencenbaugh: 3 pts
Lauren Mueller: 1 pts

Non Pro Finish Finish (sponsored by Team Type I Foundation)

Ian Garrison: 5 pts.
Frank Traviso: 3 pts
Pat Raines: 1 pt

Bear Creek Gran Fondo Sprint / 40 +

Judah Sencenbaugh: 3 pts
Morgan Patton Brown: 2 pts.
Ashley Gruber: 1 pt

Statham / Ladies Sprint

Lauren Dodge: 3 pts
Judah Sencenbaugh: 2 pts.
Ashley Gruber: 1 pt

Antioch Hill / Icon Pro Sprint

Frank Travieso: 3 pts
Thomas Gibbons: 2 pts.
Ty Magner: 1 pt

GREG SOMMERVILLE ICON SPRINT SERIES FINAL STANDINGs

Frank Travieso: 7 pts.
Thomas Gibbons: 7 pts
Thomas Brown: 5 pts
Oscar Clark: 5 pts
Jonathon Atwell: 4 pts
Andy Scarano: 3 pts
Ian Garrison: 2 pts
Brick Diesel: 2 pts
Tommy Morrison: 2 pts
Huntley Nash: 1 pt
Jered Gruber: 1 pt

Georgia Gran Fondo Sprint Series / 40+ (After 3 of 4 sprints):

Sean Philyaw: 5 pts
Scott Morris: 4 pts
Damien Dunn: 4 pts
Oliver Quinn: 3 pts
Emile Abraham: 3 pts
Butch Brookings: 2 pts
Natty Dunn: 1 pt
Wes Garland: 1 pt
Greg Brown: 1 pt.

2017 Awards:

MVP: Ian Garrison (Overall / Youngest Winner Ever), Thomas Brown (14 Lifetime Wins)
The Hub Leader’s Jersey Holders: Megan Heath, Thomas Gibbons, Ian Garrison
First Lady: Judy Sencenbaugh (3^rd)
Rookies of the Year: Judah Sencenbaugh, Isabella Nguy, Sam Tullis, Eli Hoppenfeld, Aidan Landrum, Seth Callahan
Stage Winners: Megan Heath, Ian Garrison (2), Jonathon Atwell, Ryan Knapp, Thomas Gibbons, Thomas Brown, Oscar Clark
Most Time at the front: Jered Gruber
Most Time in Breaks: Jered Gruber
Damn, Son! Award: Sean Philyaw, Scott Morris, David Heath, Blake Wilson, Huntley Nash, Ashley Gruber
The 1000 Mile Club (attended all 12 rides): Frank Crumley, Erik Gruenwedel, Josh Smith, Scott Morris, Humble Chronicler
True Grit Award: Gatewood Baynes, Lauren Mueller, Ashley Gruber, Erik Gruenwedel, Frank Crumley, Josh Smith
Number of Rides: 12
Miles ridden: 972 miles
Average Miles per ride: 81 miles per ride

WBL 2017 Final Overall

Ian Garrison: 91 pts
Frank Travieso: 87 pts
Judah Sencenbaugh: 78 pts.
Thomas Brown: 74 (tie)
Thomas Gibbons: 74 pts. (tie)
Jered Gruber: 70 pts
Sean Philyaw: 70 pts.
Oscar Clarke: 65 pts.
Ashley Gruber 65 pts.
Scott Morris: 60 pts
Frank Crumley: 57 pts.
Erik Gruenwedel: 56 pts
Josh Smith: 56 pts
Lauren Muller: 56 pts
Jonathon Atwell: 56 pts.
Megan Heath: 56 pts.
David Crowe: 56 pts
Madeline Pearce: 53 pts
Jim Baynes: 52 pts
David Heath: 52 pts
Harrison Nguy: 51 pts
Blake Wilson: 51 pts
Oliver Quinn: 48 pts.
Lauren Dodge: 47 pts.
Jane Tullis: 47 pts.
Nicolas Fedenco: 47 pts.
Thomas Duke: 47 pts
Jonathon Vandezande: 44 pts
Isabelle Nguy: 44 pts
Elliot Caldwell: 43 pts
Jonathon Cooper: 43 pts.
Huntley Nash: 43 pts
Michael Sencenbaugh: 42 pts.
Brian Bonsignore: 42 pts.
Demetry Campbell: 42 pts.
Sam Tullis: 42 pts
Natty Dunn: 41 pts
Ryan Knapp: 40 pts
Andrew Brookins: 38 pts
Eli Hoppenfeld: 38 pts
Bob Heath: 38 pts
Aidan Landrum: 38 pts.
Austin Ulich: 37 pts.
Thomas Morrison: 37 pts
Jim Baynes: 36 pts
Seth Callahan: 35 pts.
William Castrillon: 34 pts
Liam Ainslee: 33 pts
Mike Buechel: 32 pts.
Will Saunders: 31 pts.
Butch Brookins: 30 pts
Brick Dangerblade: 28 pts.
Jamee Stradley: 28 pts.
Andy Scarano: 28 pts
Michael York: 27 pts
Damien Dunn: 27 pts.
Loren Morgan: 27 pts.
Andrew Hodges: 25 pts.
Sommers Creed: 25 pts.
Robert Conaster: 24 pts.
John Butler: 23 pts.
Mark Klein: 23 pts
Willem Kaiser: 23 pts
David Blalock: 23 pts
Ethan Nordman: 23 pts.
Madeleine Pierce: 22 pts
Greg Brown: 21 pts.
Bill Andrew: 21 pts
Gabriel Mendez: 20 pts.
Charlie Carabello: 19 pts
Thom Leonard: 19 pts
Ben Auxier: 19 pts
Reggie Pineda: 19 pts
Ryan Wolfe: 19 pts
Michael Garrison: 19 pts.
Emile Abraham: 18 pts
Jason Bewley: 18 pts
Will Saunders: 18 pts.
Brendan Cornett: 16 pts
Pablo di Marco: 16 pts
John Butler: 15 pts
Kathleen Laporte: 15 pts.
Wesley Garland: 14 pts.
Barry Carswell: 10 pts
Emily Cox: 14 pts.
Nick Gastley: 14 pts
Bill Lanzilotta: 13 pts.
Michael York: 13 pts
Keith Werle: 13 pts
Chris Whalen: 13 pts
Pat Raines: 12 pts
Sean Fincham: 12 pts
Jared Grubbs: 12 pts
Lisa Morris: 12 pts
Ty Magner: 11 pts
Fletcher Lydick: 11 pts
Jeff May Day: 11 pts
Will Goodson: 11 pts
Kevin Morrisey: 11 pts
Kayla Doan: 10 pts.
Dillon Swaim: 10 pts.
Tracie Fernandez: 10 pts
Conner Rjinehardt: 10 pts
Bill Kerrigan: 10 pts
Jake Andrews: 10 pts.
Peter Foerster: 10 pts.
Clay Parks: 10 pts
Dylan Mann: 10 pts.